Ok all you brilliant moms, sisters, friends. I have a parenting dilemma and I fully admit I'm at a loss to fix it. My beautiful 8 year old Jessi is just hitting all the wrong buttons with me lately. She has decided school is just a pain, her little brother & sisters are annoying, and her Mom is the eternal nag (yes it's me she's talking about, sob, sob). And here's the real kicker - She's mostly right.
Jessi has always hated homework but this year especially (3rd Grade) she has taken to "hiding" it from me. When I clean out her backpack or wash her coat I find 3 or 4 assignments she never finished. When I tell her she needs to complete them she says, "I don't Mom, that's already late work and my teacher doesn't care. Joey never turns in his homework and he's still going to 4th Grade next year." So what do I say to that? She's right you know - why should she do her homework when she doesn't really have to? So she'll get an "O" for outstanding instead of a "S" for satisfactory?
Next paradox - her siblings are annoying. Well so is she . . . sorry, that's not what I'm suppose to say. All Josh & Shelby want is for their older siblings to play with them. They wait all day and run to the door most of the time when they come home. And what do their loving "older" siblings do? "Why do we have to watch this baby show, I don't want to ride my bike around the block with Shelby - she's sooooo slow, Josh get out of my room!" I even made one of their daily chores to be reading a book to Josh or Shelby so at least they would spend a little time with them. Jessi had her friend Whitney over for 4 hours and they built a fort, pretended they were sailors, and watched a movie. How much of that would they let their younger siblings do? Nada. Now I'm the middle child so I was shunned by my older siblings too but I'm sick of it. You play with your younger siblings or else! That's right, buck up older kids or I'm going to make your life miserable . . . sorry, that's not what I'm suppose to say either.
Last Grr moment is that I have become "The Nag." Now they've never actually used that word (or I would get out the soap), but I can see it in Jessi's eyes. We have chore charts for all the kids and each chore is worth 20 cents. There are 5 chores a day which equals a dollar a day/$5 a week. Now Quinn loves money and almost never misses a chore. Jessi will sit at the table and say, "I don't really want money today so I'm not going to do any of my chores." GRR. Theoretically that should be ok right? Except for the fact that I'm just trying to give her allowance to be nice - the chores are not meant to be an option. So I have become the mean Mom who says exactly that, "Your chores are not an option, now get to it."
Jessi is such a bright, energetic kid when she wants to be. It's just like lately she's realizing she doesn't have to obey all the rules. I think part of it is because Quinn tries to be sooo perfect. It's almost like she's saying, "That role is full, I'm going to be the rebel."
So how do I get her to do her homework without any real consequences, how do I get her to play with her siblings without paying her, and how do I teach her a good work ethic without being a nag? Any comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. This mean middle child is drawing a blank.
Jessi has always hated homework but this year especially (3rd Grade) she has taken to "hiding" it from me. When I clean out her backpack or wash her coat I find 3 or 4 assignments she never finished. When I tell her she needs to complete them she says, "I don't Mom, that's already late work and my teacher doesn't care. Joey never turns in his homework and he's still going to 4th Grade next year." So what do I say to that? She's right you know - why should she do her homework when she doesn't really have to? So she'll get an "O" for outstanding instead of a "S" for satisfactory?
Next paradox - her siblings are annoying. Well so is she . . . sorry, that's not what I'm suppose to say. All Josh & Shelby want is for their older siblings to play with them. They wait all day and run to the door most of the time when they come home. And what do their loving "older" siblings do? "Why do we have to watch this baby show, I don't want to ride my bike around the block with Shelby - she's sooooo slow, Josh get out of my room!" I even made one of their daily chores to be reading a book to Josh or Shelby so at least they would spend a little time with them. Jessi had her friend Whitney over for 4 hours and they built a fort, pretended they were sailors, and watched a movie. How much of that would they let their younger siblings do? Nada. Now I'm the middle child so I was shunned by my older siblings too but I'm sick of it. You play with your younger siblings or else! That's right, buck up older kids or I'm going to make your life miserable . . . sorry, that's not what I'm suppose to say either.
Last Grr moment is that I have become "The Nag." Now they've never actually used that word (or I would get out the soap), but I can see it in Jessi's eyes. We have chore charts for all the kids and each chore is worth 20 cents. There are 5 chores a day which equals a dollar a day/$5 a week. Now Quinn loves money and almost never misses a chore. Jessi will sit at the table and say, "I don't really want money today so I'm not going to do any of my chores." GRR. Theoretically that should be ok right? Except for the fact that I'm just trying to give her allowance to be nice - the chores are not meant to be an option. So I have become the mean Mom who says exactly that, "Your chores are not an option, now get to it."
Jessi is such a bright, energetic kid when she wants to be. It's just like lately she's realizing she doesn't have to obey all the rules. I think part of it is because Quinn tries to be sooo perfect. It's almost like she's saying, "That role is full, I'm going to be the rebel."
So how do I get her to do her homework without any real consequences, how do I get her to play with her siblings without paying her, and how do I teach her a good work ethic without being a nag? Any comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. This mean middle child is drawing a blank.
